Talking To Strangers is Good For You, Go figure.

In an article in the Wall Street Journal, journalist Elizabeth Bernstein writes about how conversations with strangers can help brighten up your daily life. She writes, “Sometimes a stranger—not a friend or a loved one—can significantly improve our day. A pleasant encounter with someone we don’t know, even a nonverbal one, can soothe us when no one else is around. It may get us out of our own head—a proven mood booster—and help broaden our perspective.”

I am no stranger to this idea, of meeting strangers and seeing the Divine inside them. For the last nine years I have been experimenting on a more basic level by going out of my way to meet people I do not know. Last November (2018) I challenged myself to go out and meet 30 new people in 30 days. The results were amazing. But the conversations and stories I heard were even better.

Today, I was walking my dog in the park when I met Craig, a homeless man just waking up for the day. I don’t know what made me stop to talk with him, maybe I was feeling lonely or needing someone else to chat with than my usual crew. I just said, “Hello. How are you today?” Craig smiled, unsure what I was up to and then gave me a standard reply, “I’ve had better, but I’ve had worse.” I just sat down and asked him to tell me about it. He had a calm voice and body language. I could have judge him by the empty beer can next to the empty water bottle, or the deep red color in his eye. But instead I settled into his voice, seeing the Divine and listening for what I needed to hear.

Bernstein wonders why most people don’t enjoy talking to strangers like I do. “An encounter with a stranger, when pleasant, fulfills four basic human needs, according to Rachel Kazez, a licensed clinical social worker in Chicago, who advises her patients to talk to strangers when they are feeling low. We feel connected—it can sometimes be easier to open up and have an intimate conversation with a stranger because we know we won’t see that person again. We get to feel capable, because they don’t know our insecurities or setbacks. And the encounter may give us a sense of meaning or purpose, especially because a stranger doesn’t have to be nice to us.”

I’m getting used to striking up conversations with people I don’t know. And to the point above, I’m sure it’s why I am enjoying conversations with friends less and less. But more importantly, I have noticed that I am more present and more in tune with someone’s story whether or not it is true. Craig was trying his best to be honest, but like so many people I’ve met before him, the truth is not always easy to share. Stories eventually contradict. And that’s okay. Their truth is in their heart, and if they are willing to share it great. If not, at least I get a smile, a new joke, a couple of good laughs, and every now and then...some ancient wisdom.

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Bernstein’s Ten Ways to Connect With Strangers

1. ​Be brave. Research shows that we underestimate how much people like us when we talk to them the first time. We’re not as boring as we think.
2. ​Chat up someone you see regularly, perhaps at the coffee shop, gym or elevator at work. Research shows that people are happier on days when they interact more with acquaintances. “They make you feel that your day is familiar and that you are recognized,” says Karen Fingerman, a professor of human development & family sciences at the University of Texas at Austin and co-author of “Consequential Strangers: Turning Everyday Encounters Into Life-Changing Moments.”
3. Ask about the other person. Everyone loves to talk about themselves.
4. Bond during a challenging experience, such as when you’re stuck in a long line or on a bad flight. Making a connection can make the experience feel shorter and more positive, says Jacqueline Sperling, a psychologist and director of training and research at McLean Anxiety Mastery Program at McLean Hospital in Cambridge, Mass.
5. Ask for help. This will make you feel less alone. And the other person will get a mood boost that comes from doing a good deed.
6. Focus on what you have in common. (There’s always the weather.) Then take baby steps to move away from small talk, which is not conducive to a real connection, says Gillian Sandstrom, a psychologist and senior lecturer in the Department of Psychology at the University of Essex, in Colchester, England.
7. Mutual disclosure helps. But be careful not to overshare.
8. Use humor. Everyone can use a smile.
9. Make sure the interaction is equal. Is the other person enjoying it? Or would he or she prefer to be left alone?
10. ​Do it again. Just like everything else, talking to strangers is easier if you practice. And don’t worry if every encounter isn’t positive. “You don’t expect every book you read to be great,” says Dr. Sandstrom. “Conversations are the same way.

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“Multiple studies show that people who interact regularly with passing acquaintances, or who engage with others through community groups, religious gatherings or volunteer opportunities, have better emotional and physical health and live longer than people who do not. The researchers believe that engaging with someone we don’t know well is more cognitively challenging than interacting with loved ones: Rather than use the verbal shorthand that develops in close relationships, we have to speak in full sentences, engaging more of our brain.”

Read her entire article at the Wall Street Journal by clicking here.