The Space Between Fear and Peace

True peace comes from within and is exported out into the world where the chaos and storms of life seek to attack us where we are.

As I watch the fires engulf my city, I stand in a far off place that seems unfamiliar to me.

​A place, that is also familiar enough to know I am not a big fan of anxiety. But peace, I could welcome.

Wrestling with myself, I stand in my past and future, seeking something distant in the present.

That's when I remembered the gospel story of the disciples sitting in a boat while Jesus sleeps peacefully down below.

We are never told why Jesus is sleeping. But like any minister knows, this gig of loving people can take a lot out of a person. Compassion is hard enough. Add fear, a storm, and twelve clueless men and well, I would want to retreat as well. 
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When the first waves begin to surge on the Sea of Galilee and their boat begins to rock, the Twelve freaked out by the chaos that is ensuing all around them. I am surprised by this simply because many of the Apostles are fishermen. They know the water, and have their sea legs. Yet, they were afraid? Why is that?

It's worth pointing out that the Greek word most commonly used in the Bible to represent "storm" and "chaos" is "thuella" (θύελλα), which literally translates to "storm" or "whirlwind" and conveys a sense of violent, tumultuous force. It describes a certain chaotic wildness that the gospel writers often used metaphorically to describe chaotic situations or divine intervention.

So here they are, halfway between meeting Jesus for the first time and saying goodbye to him for a final time. They are in the midst of a storm that is preparing them for the chaos that awaits them when they will be on thier own. Only they don't know that yet. And so they huddle together, clinging in fear. They lost heart. And allowed the storm outside to come inside them.

Jack Kornfield writes, “It’s easy to imagine the apostles as disconnected and frantic, feeling out of control. In their desperation, they awaken a peaceful Jesus who questions their faith and calms the storm by projecting his inner stillness, his inner harmony, and inner peace.”

Wet and afraid, they wake Jesus, believing he can help. Jesus does help. He does rebuke the storm and calms the chaos. But not before chastising his closest companions for their total lack of faith. 

As Los Angeles is burning out of control, I watched the fire crest over the hillside towards our neighborhood. This was my chaos, my storm. But in my own panic, I took a moment to a reflect on this story. Reminding myself of what the Apostles did, I took inventory of my life, and my faith. And I thought of Jesus,  remembering what he did with his peace to calm the storm.  He didn't take in the chaos, but let out his peace upon it. Just as the Twelve stood in amazement of what they witness Jesus doing, I too had to focus on him and what he is capable of doing.

In chaotic times like this, where we have to endure the storms of life - emotional storms, political storms, environmental storm, etc. it is easy for us to be more like the disciples. And allow all the fear and worry of the world get inside us.  Again, like Kornfield notes, “We’ve allowed the suffering all around us to become a part of us.” This is why I have intentionally turned off the news, relying only on an app to procure the information I need to remain safe. I know that watching the news reports will only make my anxiety worse. 

In fact, it is in times like this we should be less like the Twelve and more like Jesus. We need to look within us first, and find that still centering peace that nothing can disturb. Jesus called us to be peacemaker who bring peace wherever we go. He says, blessed are the peacemakers for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. We can have peace in all situations, but looking within us where Christ resides. And taking that peace out into the world so others can take it in.
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And so,  as we run for safety, I try to remind myself that true peace is not found by leaving the world. But by living like Christ in the world. Bringing his peace, to this space.