For some, old wounds can get picked at. For others, unresolved issues pop up or boil over. Tempers easily flair as blame gets tossed around like confetti.
Family is hard, but they are who God gives us if for no other reason than to draw us closer together. When we find ourselves stuck in the same old arguments and challenges, it’s good for us to remember that Jesus has this to say. So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24
It’s a pretty simple concept. If you got beef with someone, go sort it out before you even think about coming to church.
If we take Jesus’ advice seriously, I’m afraid no one would be here. Of course, Jesus isn’t only talking about the big blow-ups and fist-fights that can happen, we also have to be mindful of those little grudges we hold onto. The unspoken tensions and unresolved hurts that linger like long, dark shadows in our hearts. Jesus knows all this stuff matters to God. Because we matter to God. If we don’t take the time to take inventory of our actions, our unresolved issues will stick around and fester into something toxic. So, Jesus calls us to step out of our comfort zones and make an effort to seek peace with those we've wronged or who have wronged us. This should be a no brainer. But it’s not. Healing old wounds can take time. And pride often gets in the way. Most of us hold onto anger like a hot coal hoping the other person gets burned. If you have trouble living up to this ideal Jesus places before us, you’re not alone. The Bible is full of people who mess up big time yet find a way to reconcile. Jacob and Esau overcame their sibling rivalry. Joseph made peace with his brothers who sold him into slavery. Even Jonah, the reluctant prophet, found resolve with God. Their stories teach us how to own up to our wrongs and mend what is broken. In fact, that’s what the Jewish celebration of Yom Kippur is all about! It’s in the letting go of past wrongs and making things right in the present that we secure peace and unity in the future. And more importantly, it also reveals God’s truth to a hurting world in need of mercy and grace. Jesus knew this. He’s one of us. He sees people coming to worship God with anger and bitterness on their hearts; approaching the altar more focused on revenge for a brother than on reverence for God. This saying of Jesus forces us to ask ourselves, what good is my gift if I’m only giving it out of some obligatory religious expectation? Jesus knows the greatest gift we can give God is our heart. He expects us to go beyond temple requirements to a place that transforms the way we see ourselves in relation to God and others. For Jesus, reconciliation is a sacred rite, a divine act that emphasizes the heart over some outward performance. He says things like, “Blessed are the pure of heart, for they will see God” (Matthew 5:8). He tells us, “A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart” (Luke 6:45). God knows our heart, and meets us there with grace and love. It is the epicenter of all that is Divine. And reveals who we truly are. Jesus tells a group of Pharisees who are questioning him about cleanliness rituals, “It’s not what goes into one’s mouth that defiles them, but what comes out; for what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart.” Thus Jesus commands us “to love God with our whole heart.” Then he adds, “And love your neighbor as yourself.” If your heart isn’t good with others, then it’s probably not good with God either. Which is why Jesus is adamant about reconciling our anger and hurts. So here’s the thing, if we’re going to truly make amends we must speak from the heart, and to the hearts we’ve wounded. Years ago, I did something out of exhaustion and frustration that I later regretted. Embarrassed by what I said and did, I quickly apologized. But I knew that apology was meaningless because I was merely trying to save face to stop people from being angry with me. Over the course of the few weeks, there was a lingering darkness over me, my soul was heavy and oppressive. This great weight was affecting me mentally and spiritually. I knew the only way to get through it would be to swallow my pride and make amends. Like Jesus says, “If you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you” (Mark 11:25). In AA there’s a saying, “Clean up your side of the street” which encapsulates the essence of taking responsibility for your actions and seeking to repair the harm you’ve caused. I am so grateful that the person I hurt was willing to receive my amends and do the hard work with me to reconcile and repair our relationship, which is now stronger than ever before. Anyone who has done the 12-step knows how crucial this is to recovering their life. More than just saying “sorry,” it’s about being accountable and changing your behavior in a way that transforms the heart from the inside out. That’s what Jesus’ mission was all about - confronting our conventional wisdom and getting us to repent, change the way we do things…not out of anger or jealousy but out of peace and love. Jesus knows there’s great healing in forgiveness, whether you are the one asking for it or receiving it. Science backs this up. Studies have shown that chronic stress from unresolved conflicts can lead to various health issues, including cardiovascular disease and weakened immune function. In nearly every healing miracle Jesus performs, forgiveness is present. Again, it’s in our willingness to forgive and seek reconciliation…that we reveal and reflect our understanding of God’s forgiveness towards us. The Apostle Paul writes, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Col 3:13). The way I see it, forgiveness starts with God but doesn’t end there. Instead, it extends through us into all our relationships. The way to do that is to follow in the footsteps of Jesus who teaches, "Don’t judge, and you won’t be judged. Don’t condemn, and you won’t be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Or to say the same thing but different, “The measure we give others is the measure that will be given to us.” If you believe what Jesus says, then why would you embrace anger over love? Or hold a grudge when you could let God’s grace shine through you? As I always say, to call yourself a Christian means, being like Christ - who made sharing God’s love, mercy and grace his greatest priority. In attempting to do just that, Paul writes, "As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18). Yes, easier said than done.Inevitably you will come in contact with someone you don’t agree with, or like, or maybe someone who has harmed you in the past. It’s in those moments you must ask yourself, will I let go of my ego and anger, or my peace and wellbeing? Do I really trust and believe it when Jesus says, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9). Seeking peace with those who we’ve harmed, or who have harmed us, is the most powerful way we can love God, love others, and serve both. By living out our life with a forgiving heart and loving awareness, we reveal to the world what God’s love and reconciliation looks like in real time. Jesus says this is more important than any other form of worship. So, let's commit to making reconciliation a priority in our lives. Let's be intentional about mending fences, bridging divides, and fostering unity as a true holy act of worship. Let's remember that every relationship is an opportunity for spiritual growth and healing, deepening our connection to God, and to our brothers and sisters. Just as God reconciles the world through Christ Jesus, God invites us to participate in this redemptive work. Reconciliation is a sacred calling and a divine testament to our capacity for love, empathy, and compassion. Let us embrace this challenge with courage and determination, knowing that in doing so, we contribute to a more harmonious and just world.
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